#32 How Formality Is Expressed in French

In French, the words and expressions you use can change considerably depending on whom you are speaking to and the situation you are in.

An expression that sounds perfectly natural when speaking with a friend may seem too casual when used with someone you have just met or with a business contact. Conversely, using highly polite language in an everyday situation can sometimes make you sound more distant than necessary.

One of the clearest examples is the distinction between tu and vous, both of which correspond to you in English. However, formality in French is not determined by personal pronouns alone. Forms of address, requests, vocabulary, grammar, greetings, and other elements all play a role.

In this article, I will explain how formality is expressed in French, while also comparing it with English.

1. Expressions Change Depending on Your Relationship with the Other Person

In French, you adjust the level of formality according to your relationship with the other person and the situation.

For example, when asking a close friend for help, you might say:

• Tu peux m’aider ?
  — Can you help me?

On the other hand, when speaking to someone you have just met or to a business contact, where a certain degree of politeness is expected, it is common to use vous:

• Vous pouvez m’aider ?
  — Could you help me?

If you want to make the request even more polite, you can use the conditional to make it sound softer:

• Pourriez-vous m’aider, s’il vous plaît ?
  — Could you please help me?

As these examples show, even when expressing the same basic idea, the wording can change depending on factors such as how close you are to the other person, their age, their position, and the context in which the conversation takes place.

However, there are no simple rules such as “always use polite language with older people” or “always speak formally at work.” Colleagues in the same workplace may use tu, while two people of a similar age may still use vous when meeting for the first time. The appropriate level of formality depends not only on personal distance but also on the customs of the setting.

Formality is also expressed through more than the choice between tu and vous. Greetings, forms of address, ways of making requests, and vocabulary can all change. For example, you might say Salut ! to a close friend, whereas Bonjour is generally more appropriate when speaking to someone you do not know.

For this reason, when you try to understand formality in French, it is important not to divide expressions too simply into “polite” and “casual.” You also need to consider who is speaking, whom they are speaking to, and in what situation.

2. Choosing Between tu and vous

One of the clearest ways French expresses social distance and politeness is through the distinction between tu, the singular second-person pronoun, and vous, which is used both for multiple people and as a polite singular form of address.

Tu is generally used with family members, friends, close acquaintances, and children. Vous, on the other hand, is used not only when addressing more than one person but also when speaking politely to a single person. It is commonly used with adults you have just met, business contacts, customers, and others with whom a certain degree of distance or politeness is expected.

The choice between tu and vous also affects verb conjugation, as in the following examples:

• Comment vas-tu ?
  — How are you?
• Comment allez-vous ?
  — How are you?

However, the distinction cannot be reduced to a simple rule in which “tu = casual” and “vous = formal.”

For example, vous is not used only for people of higher status. Adults of similar age and social position may also use vous when meeting for the first time. Conversely, even in a workplace, tu may be completely normal among colleagues or throughout an organization depending on its culture.

The actual choice between tu and vous therefore depends on a range of factors, including familiarity, age, social distance, status, workplace or group conventions, and the situation in which the conversation takes place.

It is also common for two people who initially use vous to switch to tu as they become closer. In such situations, French speakers may ask:

• On peut se tutoyer ?
  — Can we use tu with each other?
• On se tutoie ?
  — Shall we use tu?

The verb tutoyer means “to address someone using tu,” while vouvoyer means “to address someone using vous.”

If the other person suggests On peut se tutoyer ?, you can generally use tu from that point onward.

On the other hand, switching back to vous after you have already begun using tu may, depending on the situation, make it seem as though you are deliberately creating more distance. This shows how closely the choice between tu and vous is connected to psychological and social distance between people.

3. Expressing Formality Through Forms of Address

The way you address someone is another important element of politeness in French.

Two of the most common forms are Monsieur, used when addressing a man, and Madame, used when addressing a woman.

• Bonjour, Madame.
  — Hello.
• Excusez-moi, Monsieur.
  — Excuse me.

When speaking to someone you do not know in a shop, hotel, restaurant, public institution, or similar setting, adding Monsieur or Madame can make your wording more respectful and polite.

If you know the other person’s surname, you can also use Monsieur Dupont or Madame Martin. This form is often used in business relationships and other situations where a certain level of distance is maintained.

By contrast, with friends, family members, or close colleagues, it is more common to use a person’s first name:

• Bonjour, Pierre !
• Salut, Marie !

4. Choosing Greetings According to the Situation

French has several everyday greetings, and the appropriate choice depends on your relationship with the other person and the context.

Two common examples are bonjour and salut.

Bonjour can be used in a wide range of situations. You can use it not only with friends and acquaintances but also with people you are meeting for the first time, business contacts, shop staff, and others. For this reason, if you are unsure how formal the situation is, bonjour is generally a safe choice.

Salut, by contrast, is more casual. It is mainly used with friends, close acquaintances, and family members. Its tone is similar to Hi in English.

Depending on the time of day, bonsoir may be used instead of bonjour.

• Bonsoir, Madame.
  — Good evening.

Like bonjour, bonsoir can be used with both people you know well and people you do not know. It is used when greeting someone in the evening, although there is no strict rule determining the exact time at which speakers switch from bonjour to bonsoir.

Expressions used when saying goodbye can also vary in tone.

• Au revoir.
  — Goodbye.
• Bonne journée.
  — Have a nice day.
• Bonne soirée.
  — Have a nice evening.
• Salut !
  — Bye!

Au revoir is a standard expression for saying goodbye, while salut is a more casual expression used with people you know well. In shops and restaurants, you will also often hear bonne journée or bonne soirée when people leave.

In France, it is also common to greet someone with Bonjour before stating what you need when entering a shop or approaching a member of staff. For example, rather than immediately saying Je voudrais…, it is generally more polite to begin with Bonjour.

5. Using Mood and Tense to Adjust Politeness

In French, you can also adjust the level of politeness by changing the mood or tense of the verb.

One of the most common ways to do this is by using the conditional. The conditional has several functions, but it is frequently used to make requests or wishes sound less direct and more considerate.

For example, compare the following ways of asking someone to close a window.

• Fermez la fenêtre, s’il vous plaît.
  — Please close the window.

This is an imperative form addressed to vous. Adding s’il vous plaît makes it polite, but it still directly asks the other person to perform an action.

Using the present conditional creates a softer and more deferential request:

• Pourriez-vous fermer la fenêtre, s’il vous plaît ?
  — Could you please close the window?

French can also use the imperfect tense to express politeness or a more indirect tone.

For example, when asking a shop assistant about a product, you might say:

• Je voulais savoir si vous aviez ce modèle en noir.
  — I was wondering if you had this model in black.

Here, voulais is the imperfect form of vouloir, meaning “to want.” However, it does not literally refer to something you wanted in the past.

Instead of stating your desire directly with Je veux savoir… (I want to know…), using the imperfect Je voulais savoir… makes the request more indirect and less abrupt.

In this way, the imperfect is not limited to describing past events. It can also be used to soften requests and questions.

6. Vocabulary Choice Also Changes the Impression

French vocabulary can be classified according to register, including registre familier (informal language), registre courant (neutral or standard language), and registre soutenu (formal or elevated language).

As a result, even when two words express a similar meaning, the impression they give can differ depending on which one you choose.

For example, the standard word for “work” is travail, while boulot is often used in casual conversation among friends.

• J’ai beaucoup de travail aujourd’hui.
  — I have a lot of work today.
• J’ai beaucoup de boulot aujourd’hui.
  — I’ve got a lot of work today.

The meanings are similar, but the sentence with boulot sounds more conversational and informal. In official documents or formal writing, travail is more appropriate.

The same applies to words for “car.” The standard word is voiture, while bagnole is a much more informal alternative.

Likewise, habiter is the common verb meaning “to live,” while résider, meaning “to reside,” may be used in administrative contexts or more formal writing.

French therefore often offers several words for the same general idea, and speakers choose among them according to the situation.

When you learn French vocabulary, I recommend paying attention not only to meaning but also to whether a word is casual, neutral, or formal.

7. Summary

French expresses formality in many different ways depending on the relationship between speakers and the situation.

The main points can be summarized as follows:

When expressing politeness in French, it is important to choose your wording according to the social distance between you and the other person and the situation in which you are speaking.

If you use the distinction between tu and vous as a starting point and also pay attention to greetings, requests, and vocabulary, you can gain a much clearer understanding of the close relationship between language and social relationships in French.

Izumi Miyajima

Writer

I’m a Japanese writer and language enthusiast with a deep interest in France. Through my articles, I explore the French language, history, and culture.